Ephemeral Blogger Beware posts
Some Blogger Beware posts don't concern an R. L. Stine book and instead address things related to the blog proper.
Posts relating to updates go HERE.
Open Letter (November 18, 2007)[edit | edit source]
Dear jerk who just outbid me on the Goosebumps Series 2000 eBay lot twelve seconds before the auction ended,
On the off-chance that you read this blog, stop. You are banned from reading the blog, ever. You should not even be reading this sentence, you should have already closed the window and walked away.
Yours,
Troy Steele
The State of Things (December 9, 2007)[edit | edit source]
ONE So, slightly new look to the ol' blog. I've always been pretty insistent that Blogger Beware keep everything very low-rent, but the hits have been going up and I figured it couldn't hurt to jazz it up a bit-- Fool all these new readers into thinking we're as upscale as an apartment in a Woody Allen movie.
TWO I have successfully obtained a small stock of Goosebumps 2000 books, ensuring this blog will last well-through the new year. I'm thinking I'll work my way through the rest of the "actual" Goosebumps books and "special" editions first, then do some sort of "wrap up" (best endings, worst prose, etc) on the series-proper, then go through the Series 2000 books in order. Following that, if I dare, I'll hit up those new new forthcoming Goosebumps books Stine is threatening consumers with... unless anyone wants to make a convincing argument otherwise.
THREE There will probably be a few updates sprinkled throughout dealing more generally with the rest of RL Stine's oeuvre, mainly so I can have a chance to read this
[There are no archives of this image, so this is a supplemental image. However, we know it's the right book because the URL contained the book's ISBN number, "0689878648".]
which looks like it should be adapted and airing on Cinemax at 2AM.[1]
FOUR Speaking of updates, by popular demand, January will be Monster Blood Month! Get the word out.
I'm not allowing comments on this post, but you can talk about these things in the comments for tomorrow's update-- or not, I'm not telling you what to do.
Oh hey, guess what yesterday was (January 20, 2008)[edit | edit source]
[The image link is technically broken, but the filename "istockphoto2362188happyuq6.jpg" seems to match https://i.istockimg.com/file_thumbview_approve/2362188/1/stock-video-2362188-happy-anniversary.jpg". Troy's image was probably slightly better quality and watermarked. For better quality, click here.]
Happy Second Anniversary, Blogger Beware
And There Was Much Rejoicing[2] (February 3, 2008)[edit | edit source]
[Two broken images here. The image "victorywaitsif0.jpg" may be this image. It's unclear what "bilin20victory20v20girljz7.jpg" could be, but (based on the name, "bilin victory v girl") it's possibly this image.]
Blogger Beware now has a full set of Goosebumps 2000 books.
Take that, eBay.
YouTube, Brutus?[3] (March 18, 2008)[edit | edit source]
If you're a middle class white kid under the age of fourteen, I guess you have a camera and internet access. This is not surprising but I would not have guessed to what extent this demographic loved Slappy. Proof:
Good news if you love the Exorcist theme.
Improv comedy is so funny.
[The following video was archived in its entirety to the Wayback Machine.]
These girls made up a lyrics [sic] for the TV theme song. They mention Slappy and werewolves, proving that in three years they will be qualified to ghostwrite for the series.
[All the rest of the YouTube links are broken. Sorry, guys.]
His grandfather was arrested for spousal abuse in '53. ;_;
[There's a broken image here that links to the video in question, which is also broken. Brilliant.]
The creative team behind this one has disabled embedding. They should have disabled their parents from fighting in the background of one of the scenes.[4]
Minority Alert
Is this a trend I'm unaware of
Les filles françaises et Slappy[5]
No wonder Slappy loves twelve year old girls: he shares their taste in music.
Real update later
Comments[edit | edit source]
An annotated list of comments that received official replies can be found here.
Do, A 'Main, A Web Domain[6] (April 13, 2008)[edit | edit source]
Update your bookmarks, the blog is now accessible via bloggerbeware.com
This easy-to-remember URL witnessing tool shall help you convert thousands of new readers in everyday conversation. Some examples:
Scenario One: A Social Party
Dinner Guest: I think 'Tippi' Hedren[7] could have really been something.
You: You know what's already something? BloggerBeware.com
Dinner Guest: Is that URL about 'Tippi' Hedren?
You: Yes, it is.
Dinner Guest: Oh good, I'm going to tell my Yahoo Groups friends about this!
Scenario Two: The Big Foot Ball Game
Foot Ball Fan: These bleachers sure do get cold in December!
You: It's April.
Foot Ball Fan: I know, I'm just having a moment of remembrance, jerk.
You: You're the jerk. Here's a URL where you can receive instructions on how to go fuck yourself.
Foot Ball Fan: Wait, let me get a pen.
You: BloggerBew-
Foot Ball Fan: I said let me get a pen, jerk.
You: You're the jerk.
Foot Ball Fan: No you are.
You: You know, forget it, I'm not telling you the URL is BloggerBeware.com
Foot Ball Fan: Oh come on, please?
You: Go to hell.
Scenario Three: Your Sister's First Communion
You: This is boring. I'm gonna go eat some pancakes.
The Pope: Look buster, I came all the way from wherever I live to see this, sit down.
You: Can I borrow your papal iPhone?
The Pope: Yes. As you see, my browser's home page is BloggerBeware.com
You: Oh. I was going to tell you about that site actually.
The Pope: Really? Well, beat you to it.
You: Is that 'Tippi' Hedren[7] on your iPhone's wallpaper?
The Pope: She could have really been something.
Don't worry though, existing links to the blog (twistending.blogspot) will still work, but remember the new url,
TippiHedrenCouldHaveReallyBeenSomething.com[7]
BloggerBeware.com
B U Y T H I N G $ (April 28, 2008)[edit | edit source]
Blogger Beware Friendship Pack-- $5
Four buttons featuring two different designs, one pair for you and one pair for a friend or loved one. If you love your friend or are friendly with your loved one, the distribution process is really quite easy for you.
The first design features the text "1/2 Of A Platonic Boy-Girl Relationship"-- cut the chatter off and get to the point, let everyone know that boy or girl is just a friend, sibling, scientist uncle, whatever! And because there's two buttons, you'll never spend your days looking for that other half-- you'll know exactly to whom you gave that other button!
Once you've branded you and your friendly love with a button, you'll feel that natural rush that only one-inch buttons can bring. This is natural and why all those kids on The Cobra Snake[8] look so wasted-- it's not drugs, it's buttons. To enable you to feel the full-effect of buttons, you will also receive two "What." buttons. These buttons are simply the most effective time saving tool you will ever own. Now, whenever you and your friend encounter a situation where the only response is "What.", no longer will you have to say the word. No, merely point to the button on your lapel and give that nod that says "Yes, the word on this button relates to the situation we're experiencing."
All this for only $5 Shipped!
Note: US Orders only. E-mail me for overseas orders.
Once these professionally-made buttons sell out, they're gone forever-- I'll just make new, different buttons or stickers or whatever. So if you're thinking about buying, you might as well go ahead-- $5 isn't going to break the bank. Go on, I dare you.
[Note: this post had been deleted by September at the latest. Seems the buttons went quickly.]
Bad news for people who think this blog is their own private secret (September 23, 2008)[edit | edit source]
About twenty minutes ago, Blogger Beware received its Half-Millionth Hit. I can't track images, so that's literally over half a million pages of the blog read and counting-- unbelievable. Thank you to all of my regular and new readers!
--Scroll down for this week's regular update--
How to Steele a Million (September 23, 2009)[edit | edit source]
Oh dear, I missed a milestone:
In celebration of surpassing a million hits, I guess I should update soon, huh? After all, there's plenty of VRRRROOOOOOOM[9] at the top
Summer Internship Opportunity (May 8, 2010)[edit | edit source]
High profile pop culture exploiter seeks highly motivated, nostalgia-addled readers for unpaid summer blog reading opportunity
Responsibilities
- Checking the site once a week for regular updates
- Asking trivial questions in the comments section. Ex: "What was Hannah's opinion of ice cream in The Ghost Next Door?"
- Saying every update is either the best or worst entry yet
Qualifications
- Proficiency in Lisa Frank[10] and Snick[11]
- Ability to make snap judgments while wearing snap bracelets[12] a plus
- Has some cotton candy-flavored Bubblicious they're willing to share
All interested respondents please forward your resume, completed Art Instruction School brochure, Cash4Gold envelope, and Land's End catalog request form to comicalfalseemailaddress@wrylypunnedurl.com
Comments[edit | edit source]
An annotated list of comments that received official replies can be found here.
Excellent 'I Live In Your Basement!' Adaptation Now Playing at a Theatre Near You (July 17, 2010)[edit | edit source]
Comments[edit | edit source]
An annotated list of comments that received official replies can be found here.
The Horror, The Horror(land)[14] (December 31, 2010)[edit | edit source]
Why do people on the internet still outbid me on Goosebumps books? Don't they know I'm a celebrity
The Grim Prophecies of RL Stine Are Coming True (October 3, 2011)[edit | edit source]
(Courtesy of Blogger Beware reader Jane)
Comments[edit | edit source]
An annotated list of comments that received official replies can be found here.
[no title] (November 13, 2011)[edit | edit source]
While Blogger Beware is on hiatus, have you considered exploring Shuelogy?
[Around late November of 2014, this post was deleted, as Shuelogy was completely abandoned. This post originally linked to shuelogy.com, but (since that domain is dead), I've linked to the wiki article!]
Everyone knows MIA[15] sucks (April 21, 2012)[edit | edit source]
It's come to my attention that some of the recaps have missing or dead picture files and all I don't want to do is click click click[16] on every entry. Every title should have a picture of the book and sometimes additional pix throughout the entry. If you spy an entry missing this junk, leave a comment below or email me so I can fix everything. And by fix everything, I mean of course that I will solve to the best of my abilities any additional personal problems or crises you may be experiencing
Comments[edit | edit source]
An annotated list of comments that received official replies can be found here.
@Lame (June 22, 2012)[edit | edit source]
I'm on Twitter-- for now
[By the time of the next post, this had been deleted; presumably it was deemed redundant, as Troy had incorporated the Twitter link in to the sidebar.]
Least accurate email yet (August 4, 2013)[edit | edit source]
Blingee'd[18] to protect the innorrisent
Exciting New Poster For Everyone's Most Anticipated Movie Debuts! (July 7, 2015)[edit | edit source]
Wow, it's finally here. After following the film's development for years, it's finally here! No one could possibly be more excited by today's poster debut than me. I hope they do justice to the source material (marriage) and don't forget to have a little bit of fun with it too!
What are YOU looking forward to the most about this year's number one fun-for-the-whole-family, nostalgia ride movie experience??!
Comments[edit | edit source]
An annotated list of comments that received official replies can be found here.
References[edit | edit source]
- ↑ Cinemax is known for airing extremely sexual content in the wee hours of the morning.
- ↑ A quote from Monty Python and the Holy Grail, used twice by the narrator in one scene.
- ↑ A reference to the famous (and often misquoted) line "Eh tu, Brute?" from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar.
- ↑ Disturbing fact: in the comments section of this video (before it was taken down), a pedophile tried to find out where the kids lived.
- ↑ This translates to "The French girls and Slappy".
- ↑ Refers to the opening line of the song "Do-Re-Mi" from The Sound of Music: "Do, a deer, a female deer".
- ↑ 7.0 7.1 7.2 Tippi Hedren starred in Hitchcock's The Birds and Mamie and quickly became famous, but her stardom was shortlived after he declined to work with her again.
- ↑ An online shop, mostly dealing in T-shirts. On the matter of the models used: judge for yourself.
- ↑ Why yes, the next book to be covered was The Haunted Car. How'd you guess?
- ↑ An illustrator known for her sickeningly sweet subject matter.
- ↑ A two-hour programming block on Nickelodeon, including such shows as Ren & Stimpy and Are You Afraid of the Dark?
- ↑ Also known as "slap bracelets", these were constructed from flexible stainless steel and were popular in the late 80's and early 90's.
- ↑ The entire joke of this post is that both Inception and I Live in Your Basement! have multiple layers of dreams, and as such are very confusing to watch.
- ↑ A paraphrased version of Mr. Kutz's famous dying words in Heart of Darkness and Apocalypse Now.
- ↑ Presumably a reference to M.I.A.'s controversial Super Bowl performance that year, where she flipped off the television audience and incurred a million dollar lawsuit from the National Football League.
- ↑ This may be a reference to the lyrics of "Paper Planes" by M.I.A. - "All I wanna do is BANG BANG" (the BANGs being gunshots, of course).
- ↑ The link.
- ↑ Blingee is a site which allows people to place flashy, often sophmoric GIFs onto preexisting images. It tends to get used in an "ironic" fashion by Tumblr users, not far off from what Troy has done here.
- ↑ The entire joke of this post is that while the poster for the actual Goosebumps movie was unveiled on this day, Troy is actually discussing the indie movie Jenny's Wedding (about a conventional family riddled with conflict when the titular character marries another girl). The "having a little bit of fun with [marriage]" comment may be a reference to the gay marriage aspect of it, too.
